The Practice of Conversation

In her wonderful book, Turning to One Another, Margaret Wheatley makes some powerful statements about the power of simple conversations. "Almost every major social change or move forward began with a few friends getting together and talking about what they cared about" This is true for so many large visions that have shaped our world from the abolishing of slavery to the birth of the Church. There is something powerful that happens when people let their guards down and risk being shaped by others. Last week in the service we looked at one of the biggest risks to our practice of transformative conversations: the pace of our lives. While Wheatley mentions this as well, she also outlines a few other foundational points that can either build healthy conversations or destroy them altogether. The following are elaborations on some of her main principles that allow conversations to be transforming: We Acknowledge One Another As Equals - In order to fully enter into conversation we must set aside our prejudices that we bring to the table. We must remember that we can learn from anyone and that a challenge to our ideas might be what we most need to become more clear about what it is we really hold as valuable and dear to us. We Try To Stay Curious About Each Other - A healthy conversation is a two way street not a monologue. In order to keep the back and forth flow going it is important to ask as many questions of the other person as we make statements ourselves. In order to fuel connection we must seriously want to know who the other person is and where they are coming from. We Slow Down So We Have Time To Reflect And To Listen - The pace of our lives can either allow us the time to connect deeply with one another or it can rush our conversations so much that we only stay on the surface of each others lives. One of the best tips to slow down for conversation is to take off your watch while you are in conversations with people. This will help you forget that the clock is ticking and will help focus on the person instead of the future appointments and things that you have to still get done. We Expect It To Be Messy At Time - When people really take the risk and reveal themselves through conversations it isn't always a peaceful thing. People disagree or simply misunderstand each other and often those conflicts need time and patience to be resolved. Often we end a conversation when we feel tensions instead of pushing through to really understanding the other person we simply write them off and move on. If we enter conversations expecting it to sometimes create tensions and become messy then we won't be as prone to running off and finding conversation with someone more like ourselves. Take some time this week to practice the art of conversation with people that you encounter. Remember that it is diversity that stimulates new ideas and creates potential transformation and that if we only converse with people who are like us then we will rarely be challenged or re-shaped in the process.